grieving

While this is a season of joy, it is also one when many of us grieve for loved ones who have died. The following is about grieving for my mother, but please read through to the end to catch my positive spin...

I am mad that Mom doesn't get the chance to turn 59 or any other age over 53. I'm so jealous of families whose parents live into their 70s, 80s or 90s. Of course, she won't have to deal with aging or losing her mental faculties or quality of life.

Still, I'm selfish; I want her here with me! I want her present for weddings, births and all the smaller good things, too. She should have had more opportunities to travel, see friends, etc.

I guess I have to hold on to my belief that her spirit is always with me and that she IS present for all life's events. She probably IS still traveling and seeing friends!

I'm happy to say that 16 years after her death, I am more blessed for having her as long as I did than I am angry about my loss. She is with me every time I think of her. I am never alone because I carry her in my heart.

Much love to you and to those you carry in your heart.

reflect

There are two ways of spreading light: be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.—Edith Wharton

I believe that each of us can help make the world a more positive place by sharing our light. Something else we can do is to hold a mirror so others can see their light. When you speak to friends, family, even strangers, it would do them a great service if you can help them recognize how special and wonderful they are. If we all shared our light and supported the light of the people we encounter, peace would spread across the world.

Be the light. Reflect the light in others. Who can you reach out to today? Who do you know who needs a little encouragement? Even a quick e-mail with kind words could make a big difference.

handling

I like this change to the old adage:

God doesn't give us what we can handle, God helps us handle what we are given. - unknown

Even, or especially, in difficult times, I lean on God and I feel supported. I feel understood and loved. Most of all, God gives me the feeling that everything is going to be okay no matter what challenge I must face.

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defining light

I believe we all have light to share. Recently, I was called on to define what I call “light.” I'm still not sure exactly how to define it. On one hand, I believe our light is “that of God within us” which I get from the Religious Society of Friends, a.k.a. Quakers. I was trying to define it without the sense of religion. I believe you do not need to believe in God to find your light.

Being human, or I would argue even animal, qualifies us to have something special and wonderful that no one else on earth has. That something special is our potential light.

But the trick is, am I talking about a passion for something, a drive or ambition, some type of skill? That's not quite it. Self-esteem comes closer. We do need to feel good about ourselves to acknowledge and use our light. But low self-esteem does not indicate an absence of light.

Maybe it is believing in ourselves, knowing that we are special and wonderful, and then following through on putting ourselves to good use. I will keep working on this definition. Any ideas?

Kevin follow-up

My book club met last week to discuss We Need to Talk About Kevin, and a lot of the discussion was about nature versus nurture. I will continue to hope that enough nurture can overcome a negative nature. Realistically though, I realize that's not always possible. If it was, we could “cure” the world of criminal activity.

So then, is peace on earth possible? If there will always be some people who are by nature negative, there may always be negative things happening. All the more reason for people like me to continue spreading positive energy. If we can't erase negativity, maybe we can diminish it.

Kevin

Just finished reading We Need to Talk about Kevin by Lionel Shriver. Somehow I liked the story even though it was very depressing. While it is fiction, I'm sure there are similar true stories. A mother tells the story of her teenage son who killed students and a teacher at his high school.

I have always liked to believe that every baby born has something good inside. With a positive environment and enough nurture, every child has the potential for greatness. We are each special, wonderful people who can make the world a better place.

The boy in the story was angry right out of the womb. He seemed doomed from the start. So, I guess I need to admit that there may be some lost causes.

That won't stop me on my mission, which is to help people feel their light. I still believe most of us are special and wonderful and have something to offer the world. That goes for everyone reading this!

deciding not to surrender

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

I'm so tired of struggles. I feel that I am plenty strong enough. The idea here of “deciding not to surrender,” is important. Having a struggle and letting it defeat you is the most disappointing. With each thing that comes along, it is a decision to choose the best attitude we can to face it. With a positive attitude we can gain strength from a struggle and more importantly, find a way to enjoy life. Struggle does not mean the end of happiness, it is just a challenge which we can overcome and hopefully see life the little sweeter because we have succeeded.

Please excuse my reusing the same quote I used in April. It spoke to me today with a slightly different theme.

relationships

How important are your relationships? For me, they are what makes life most meaningful. The friends and family members I choose to spend time with always make me feel good about myself. I hope that I help to build the self esteem of my loved ones.

In the book Getting Into the Vortex by Esther and Jerry Hicks, they say that even relationships with people we don't understand or agree with play an important part in who we become. I suppose it is more of those contrasts that we can learn from. The main idea being that each person in our lives helps us to become who we are.

I encourage you to contemplate your relationships. As best we can treat others as we want to be treated ourselves, the best chance we have at creating positive relationships and becoming the best “me” each of us can be.

within you

Peace and happiness begin within you. Take some time to figure out what makes you happy. Then, every day spend a little time doing just that. As we feel happy, we will spread that feeling to people we meet. Each person we influence goes on to influence more. The more happiness each individual feels, the happier and more peaceful the world will be.

What makes you happy? Make a list or a picture and think about those things a little every day.

dance

I am always amazed by dancers. They have such a unique, physical talent. Last night I watched So You Think You Can Dance. Those dancers, just at the beginning of their careers, are incredible. They can do things I could never dream of even as a small child with the world laid out in front of me. The best part of watching is imagining myself in their place. What a wonderful feeling it would be to move and turn and leap!

The other thing that impresses me about dance is that the music and the movement can make me feel various emotions. My favorite dance last night was the group dance at the beginning of the show. They were all dressed in white and doing a jazz/African peace (I meant piece, but I like that my dictation software chose the alternate spelling). Peace and hope were exactly what I felt as I watched.

Thank you dancers for sharing your talent and making me feel good!

bring on the joy!

I like these words by Neale Donald Walsch:

How much joy are you experiencing in this moment?

How much joy are you bringing to this moment?

The joy you experience will be the joy you bring.

I'm usually pretty good at this.  Wishing it was always so easy.

contrast

The book I'm reading, which I will say more about later, talks about contrast being the concept that helps us learn and grow. If everything was the same all the time, there would be nothing to learn.

I'm keeping that in mind when I'm frustrated. My happy days  will be more happy compared to the frustrating ones. I will remember when I'm having a hard day, how much sweeter the easy ones will be. This will take practice.

Here's hoping we all can appreciate life's contrasts.

best days

Some of the best days of your life haven't happened yet. – https://www.facebook.com/pages/Spiritual-Awakenings-%E0%A5%90/105433989565465

A great thought about looking forward to the future. It is wonderful to have a happy past to relive in memories. It is important and energizing to stop and enjoy the simple moments as they come: a cat curling up in your lap; a dog jumping with excitement to see you when you come home; a niece calling to tell you about something special to her; an outdoor barbecue in the summer; a warm fire in the winter; seeing a rainbow after the rain; hugs and kisses, etc.

Even better, imagining the fun things that could be right around the corner, some you haven't planned yet and others you may not see coming. Finding something to look forward to is a good way to keep a positive outlook.

May you remember yesterday with a smile. May you enjoy whatever is happening in this moment. May your tomorrow be even better than today!

the mind

The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven. - John Milton

This idea is very appealing to me. No matter what our circumstance, it is all in the way our mind perceives the situation. I wish that I felt more in control of my mind. I can have the same experience on Monday and Tuesday and I may struggle on one day or simply take it as it comes on the other. I wish I could figure out how to “simply take it as it comes” every day.

I keep this at the top of my "to do list" as a reminder: I am grateful that I am strong, healthy & comfortable. I take good care of myself & others. I am grateful for my happy family & friends, and the beautiful home & community in which I live. It isn't puffy white clouds, angels and harps, but it is a very wonderful life.

I wish that you may find a way to view your life as heaven.

energy

I will not waste my life in friction when it could be turned into momentum. - Frances Willard

I love this quote. I think I need some practice with it. When I find myself feeling conflicted with another person, I usually find a way to resolve the situation in a peaceful manner. Now, I'm thinking that maybe I can take conflicted feelings and change them into energy to accomplish what I want as opposed to what I see. I don't know if I'm explaining myself well.

I looked at Wikipedia at the name Frances Willard and I was impressed. This woman really used her voice to accomplish a lot. I would like to do the same. So far, I'm using my voice to bring positivity to those around me and online and to bring art to a community that needs to rebuild.

I like the word momentum. Let's all move forward from where we are to where we hope to be.

favorite things

There is a song in The Sound of Music called My Favorite Things. The main part I'm focusing on goes like this “when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad.”

So here is my list, in no particular order:

little kid giggles

phone calls from friends

cool days and fresh air, even a little rain

singing happy songs

looking at art: my own, online, in a museum

balancing my checkbook (sense of accomplishment)

hugs and kisses, etc.

comedy

a good book

What would you put on your list?

safety

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.  ...Dudley Moore

While you are celebrating this weekend, be safe.

Thank you, thank you to all of the veterans who have helped to keep our country safe!

strength

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

What keeps you going through your struggles? I have God, my husband, my sister, a very devoted friend and lots of other loved ones. I wish my struggles would end so I could just enjoy my strengths. There must be more for me to learn as I take my life with MS one day at a time.

What strengths have you discovered about yourself? Wishing you support through whatever struggles you have.

developing

Life is like photography; you develop from the negatives. – Unknown

I've just been noticing that the events in our life that change us the most tend to be negative. Why don't we learn from the positive things?

For instance, my spirituality has developed with my MS and with the death of my mother. Would I have searched for God without needing help to get through difficult times?

When my niece was born, I learned a new kind of love. Watching my sister taught me what “falling in love with your child” means. So I guess positive things reinforce the already positive things in our lives. We pay more attention to the changes that come from negative experiences because we are trying to improve those situations. When we are sailing through life happily, we don't think about how to improve or change. We just enjoy being happy.

So I wish that each of us develop from the negatives but also stop for moments here and there to appreciate the positives.

patience

A friend of mine taught me this saying: patience is a virtue, possess it if you can, seldom in a woman but never in a man. I don't like being sexist, whether there is truth in this or not.

I have strong feelings about patience. Everyone possesses some amount of it. We have different amounts for different activities. As a teacher, I had a lot of patience for my students who were struggling with various learning disabilities. I did not have much for my body when my MS symptoms arrived. It is one of the concepts I have learned a lot about over the 20 years since my diagnosis.

I believe patience is a skill that can be practiced. Like yoga or meditation the more you practice the better you get. It is important to remember though that patience is not something you acquire and you are done. It needs to be practiced every day. Some days it comes easier than others. Some days require it more than others. When facing a difficulty, we need more patience, but it is often harder to summon. That is when you get the most practice.

Here are some lyrics I sing to myself when I'm trying to be patient: 1– by the Beatles, "Nowhere Man don't worry, take your time, don't hurry"… 2– by Simon and Garfunkel, "slow down, you move too fast, you've got to make the morning (moment) last." I am still practicing, but I have got techniques that help.

Wishing you patience when you need it!

just the way you are

May today there be peace within.
May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you remember the infinite possibilities born of faith in yourself and others.
May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content with yourself just the way you are.

This is a slightly altered version of a blessing that I've seen a lot through e-mail but don't know where it originated. I made a copy of this to sit where I see it every day. It makes me feel better, though I don't always feel content.

As strong as my self-esteem is, I have been having trouble being content “just the way I am.” My mind and spirit are happy, but my body struggles. I have been trying to remember this blessing when I'm having a difficult moment. A slight physical difficulty does not have to unravel my happiness. I just have to remember that.

So, I want to encourage you to look beyond the things that feel as if they are keeping you from being content. Remember the things that you are grateful for and remember they should outweigh the negatives. We are each amazing beings and should treat ourselves accordingly.

That last blessing might be the key to achieving peace. If each of us are content, we would likely get along with our neighbors!